i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
