Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
