I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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