I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
it's like iHOP with fire
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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