I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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