A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
