Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
