My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
