Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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