What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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