Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
