She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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