Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Im part way to drunk.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
