Where did you get a picture of my penis
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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