I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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