these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
