well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
