at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
