we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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