saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's official drugs can't kill me
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
