well I can't set my house on fire every night
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ketchup is God's man juice
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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