Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
