Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
