I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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