I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
