It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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