so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Terrible idea I love it
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
