i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
