Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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