yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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