I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
