I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
