Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
