sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
