He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
