that's an acceptable place to lick
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
