My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
