STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
