We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
