I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
