hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
