I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
