I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
