Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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