There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's shark week go big or go home
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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