and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
