I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
