I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
