Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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