Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
God, I missed his penis.
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