I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
