my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
