I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
