if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
